Last night I had an epiphany!! 

I have tried all conventional/traditional medicine and I have tried holistic/alternative medicine/practices while still doing conventional medicine BUT I have never tried doing just holistic/alternative by itself! It is time to go ALL IN and go 100% Holistic!!

I keep reading about how hundreds and thousands and maybe even millions of people around the world have been healed of all kinds of diseases, even of cancer, by completely changing from the Standard American Lifestyle to a Holistic Lifestyle. Typically Standard American refers to the Standard American Diet or SAD. How ironic that its acronym is SAD when there are so many more people with obesity, chronic illnesses & diseases, and so many other allergies & sensitivities than there ever was.

 I keep hearing a quote by Hippocrates, “Let medicine be thy food and food be thy medicine”. When I started my journey, I changed my food habits but I couldn’t figure out why the food wasn’t healing me. Now that I have learned more, I am finally seeing the big picture. The food is only one piece of the puzzle. If I pursue the holistic/alternative path, this means not only food to feed my body but also finding things that feed my soul. So basically if I eat whole foods, drink lemon water in the morning, drink fresh juice, cook fresh delicious food, meditate, journal, do yoga, spend time in nature, feed my soul with things I love and really just do things that make ME feel good like paint, diy pretty much all kinds of things, take photos of food, create recipes, take baths, dance to music and sing every song I possibly can, and really just do all the things that makes my heart sing, then I can heal myself and be the healthiest and happiest that I can ever be…hell yes I want to feel that way!!!  If so many people out there are healing themselves and becoming connected with their mind, body, and spirit then why can’t I!?!

I have pretty much spent the last almost 3 years (and counting) in bed in the dark because I have chronic daily intense headaches, light sensitivity, fatigue, brain fog, & all kinds of other issues. Right now I’m on a bunch of different pharmaceutical prescriptions but the idea came to me tonight that I have been half-assing the holistic/alternative stuff. I have made so many changes to my diet by eating cleaner and healthier, organic and non-GMO as much as possible, and changed my beauty products and cleaning products. I also am trying to switch from plastic containers & bottles to glass or stainless steel, I do dry brushing and tongue scrapping, I switched cotton balls & swabs and my feminine products to organic, I use clay toothpaste, and I use essential oils. There are so many things I already changed and now I want to go all in to going non-toxic for everything that I possibly can plus add in things that I have done here and there but haven’t done all together. I want to drink lemon water every morning by putting a mason jar of water & lemon each night on my nightstand so that I can drink it first thing in the morning, then have some fresh juice, meditate, do yoga, journal, get outside in nature, research and read self-help books, watch documentaries, get in touch with my inner self, figure out what spirituality means to me, find my soul’s purpose, and do all the things that feed my happiness!

To prepare I want to keep doing research to get ideas of things to try because if people can heal from cancer then I should be able to heal from the headaches, endometriosis, allergies, asthma, fatigue, depression & anxiety, extreme coldness to the point it hurts and just an overall feeling of deteriorating. That feeling of overall deteriorating is such a scary thing. This is what I believe brought me to this epiphany. All the negative parts of my mind have seemed to take over and I have found myself in such a dark place. I personally have been trying to deal with my depression by going to a psychologist because for me, I feel that depression medication isn’t good for my mind and I feel that this is situational depression. I want to power through because I don’t want to be on depression medication since I’ve had some relly bad experiences with Adderall and other medications. They seem to have an opposite effect on me. I also do not believe suicide is the answer so when I found  myself in such a deep dark place that I was considering depression medication and not that I was contemplating suicide now but I was worried that if I continued to be in pain and on this same path of self destruction, that I would go to places I never thought I would go. When I started thinking about how my life would look if I couldn’t get better and I started thinking about ways I would commit suicide if I ever decided that I couldn’t take it anymore, this scared the crap out of me because I don’t believe suicide is ever the answer. In my deepest darkest time, this is the moment I decided I needed to do something drastic. And I meditated on it and then tonight I had the idea to try going 100% holistic.   

Another thing that has been weighing heavy on my mind is the thought of having kids. This has been a dream of mine for my whole life. I couldn’t wait to find the love of my life, get married, and have kids. Since I just got married a few months ago, my husband and I have talked about having kids sometime in the near future but I am so scared and petrified that since I can barely take care of myself right now…how can I take care of a baby. And what if I pass whatever is wrong with me to the baby. So scary! What better reason to give this a shot to be healthier and happier than I have ever been. And when I talked to my hubby and my family, they are all totally supportive of me ditching the pharmaceuticals and going all in to a completely revamped holistic lifestyle. It is great motivation for me to want to be my healthiest self not only for myself and my husband but for our future hopefully healthy and happy kids!

I think not wanting to continue down the dark path I am on and wanting to have a family of my own is the best motivation for me to dig down deep. This will not be easy because I have a feeling that there will be a lot of emotional and physical challenges to deal with as I keep pushing despite the pain but what if all those people out there are right? What if you can heal yourself and what if all the little changes I already made were preparing me and leading up to this big change. They say when trying to sustain change that it gets the hardest right before there is a breakthrough. If you give up at the point it gets to hard, then you aren’t alone because many people quit before it gets too difficult and challenging. I have quit so many times on my journey but I also wasn’t all in emotionally. I had to reach rock bottom before I could change my mindset. If my mind, body, & spirit are going to be one in order to heal then I need to get really in tune with myself, live more in the moment, and let go of anything that no longer serves me. I am so pumped to have finally realized I was never all in and I feel really good about this! I always beat myself up for quitting but I just wasn’t ready to be all in yet. I had to learn certain things first and I have to give myself a break because transformation doesn’t happen overnight. Transforming yourself is a long hard journey.

I believe that I have all this pain and other health issues for a reason and I now realize that maybe everyone I keep reading about is right…you need to find yourself to heal yourself. I’m realizing that I have been to so many people and tried so many medications to fix me but I haven’t tried to fix myself…my whole self. Holistic means the whole self and I finally get it! I need to become connected by diving deep into myself and finding the true me. I am so excited to see where this transformational journey leads me! I am hoping during this journey, if I become more connected with myself that I will be healthier, happier, and more badass than ever!!